A Cougar or A Side Chick?

This is a true story that I knew from some friends who experiencing it or even what I've seen by myself. It is about quirky relationship between an older woman with (shall I say, very younger) man. At first, I was really shocked and unbelievable when I know they are exist. I mean, when I was a teenager, I was thinking that age does matter. It would be better if we have a relationship with someone older than us. Which something that I knew from my Mom, it is better, because the older man will be more mature, more experience, better to control their emotions, and wiser in every aspects, than us.

But now, it's different.

The age gap it does not matter anymore.

So many old woman get attracted to younger man (also well-known with cougar) or vice versa. I don't want to bother and don't care with them. I think its their choice and their rights to have such feeling to their opposite gender. Everyone has rights to express their feeling. So do you.

What is cougar means?

Women in their thirties and early forties have higher sex drives than their younger and perkier counterparts. They are friskier and have more fantasies and flings, despite being past their physical prime, a study found.

The researchers say that women of a certain age are more likely to be aware that their biological clocks are ticking and so are trying to make up for lost time.

The phenomenon could explain the rise of the 'cougar' - women with a penchant for toyboys.

Desperate Housewives actress Eva Longoria, for example, is married to basketball player Tony Parker, who at 28 is seven years her junior.

Actually, the group aged 27 to 45 clearly had the best sex lives, the journal Personality And Individual Differences reports. They thought about sex more, had sex more often than the younger and older women, and were more open to flings.

Dr. Pam Spurr, a sex and behaviour expert, said: 'I often find it is women in their late thirties who seem to be having a lot of fun. There might be a subconscious level to this but also a conscious one - women are more informed about fertility levels falling after a certain age.'

She added that 'cougars' may also be more experienced in the bedroom and have lost the inhibitions of their youth.

(Source by: dailymail)

If we are talking about that cougar, it may well-related with what we know about side chick. It's interesting to know, what is the side chick means, then I Googled it couple days ago. Here we go...

"A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship."

However, I find some explanations it is not the only type of side chick. They have new meaning of it, the new side chick:

"A woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions or vice versa."

Most of the side chick admitted as only an appetizer.

You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man/woman, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally. Why? Because that entrée is what he really wanted. You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to him. It sound a bit harsh, but please just simply put: you are not and will never be his Queen.

If any of you experiencing this, get attached emotionally and mentally with him/her, please keep in your mind, before they gets too involved with you, they should find out what their intentions are and listen carefully to his/her answer. If they like you and seriously want to be with you, they will find every reason to be with you.

This case specially for a man: a man who does not want to be with you will find every excuse why he can’t be with you. That's their thing. You can’t change a man nor his intentions with you.

So I've read a story about older woman and younger man. I was really concerned about her. It was sad to know her story. Here they are:

I would like to open up about my experience with this one particular guy where I found myself playing the new side chick role. I will refer to him as “Jake”.

From the moment Jake and I met, we immediately clicked. I could talk to him about anything. We would laugh and joke on the phone for hours and help each other out. He was so supportive, encouraging, and respectful. We had such a beautiful and strong friendship. I was attracted to his mind, personality, and character. However, it was the magnetic chemistry and connection we had that made me fall for him. He became my best friend.

I thought this was it. He could possibly be the ‘one’.

We began talking every day, multiple times throughout the day. As time went on and our feelings for each other grew stronger, our actions began to reflect a “more-than-friend-on-the-verge-to-a-relationship” type thing.

At this point, I fell for him. I had given my heart to a man who was not mine.

When I asked Jake what his intentions were with me, he said: “I like you and I see you as someone for the long-term. However, I am young and I know I still have a lot of playing left to do, so I’m not ready for a relationship.” That reason eventually evolved to him saying he doesn’t want a relationship because he’s focused on school and his internship. He wanted to secure his future first.

I thought those reasons were valid, and that’s why I still stuck by his side. Plus his actions toward me did not change, so I figured he really wanted to be with me; it was just bad timing. I thought that one day, once he got the “play” out his system and completed his internship, he would be ready. So, I continued to allow myself to get more attached emotionally and mentally.

Months went by and we continued our usual routine. He ended up completing his internship and securing a job post graduation. I noticed a slight behavioral change toward me and confronted him about it. He ended up telling me that he met somebody new and wanted to explore his options with her now that he had his future secured.

And just like that, I was pushed to the side.

I was so hurt, frustrated, and disappointed. I remember thinking: “I’ve been building and talking to this guy for 9 months. How dare he pushes me to the side to pursue someone else. I was the one who always held him down, supported, and helped him. Now that he’s “played” and secured his future, he decides to talk to someone else. He wasted my time! How dare him! This is not fair!”

Eventually I had to turn the mirror to myself and take responsibility for my actions. I was the one who decided to get attached to a man who verbally expressed to me that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was the one who allowed a man to stick around in my life for 9 months with no type of commitment attached. I settled for this type of treatment because I did not see myself worthy of something better. I thought I would never find anyone comparable or better than Jake if I walked away. At that point in my life, he was the best I ever had, and I was afraid to let that go.

Stop giving your body away to someone who’s not even giving you a real commitment. Cut off the guy that keeps coming in and out of your life because he doesn’t know what he wants. Indecisiveness is a decision. Make the decision for him and let him go. Stop acting like an uber to some of these men who won’t even catch a taxi for you. Just because he sends for you, doesn’t mean you need to come. Pick up your crown and wear it with dignity and class.

Some of you right now may be trying to justify in your mind on why you can’t let go and move on. You’ve fell in love with the “what if”, his potential, and what it could be if you stayed. Queen, stop embracing the fantasy and accept your reality.

Source by: Miss T.N. King "The 'New' Side Chick : I was Her"

That is just one of an example that have been through difficult time to be a side chick.

Another things that I really want to know is why lately there are so many older woman like or crave for a man which much younger than her? Although she is already have her own family. She is already has a husband and children. What is her motive? Is it just for having fun or to increase her sex desire? Or she just didn't get what her wants from her husband?

I don't want to judge them. There is always some possibilities or arguments that finally, make her searching for another guy even she is marriaged. Well, maybe it is related to the psychology or character of each person. For clearly reason, it's all about human behaviour, which is often difficult to understand by people itself. According to the 2KnowMySelf:

For any uncommon human behaviour there is usually the explanation you get from the person who does it and the real motive behind it.

In order to understand human behaviour you need to forget about the words people say and focus on understanding the way their brains work. After all a showy person isn't going to tell you that he married a blond in order to show off but he will tell you that he fell in love with her (and he won't be lying).

Ask any man who prefers older women why he gets attracted to them and most probably he will give you a reason that has nothing to do with his real motives simply because he doesn't understand his own motives.

The second thing you need to know about human behaviour is that more than one person can engage in the same behaviour for different reasons. This means that two men could get attracted to older women for two completely different reasons.

Why do some men prefer older women

Put in mind that i am not talking about a special case where a man loved a woman then discovered that she is older than him but i am talking about men who mostly get attracted to women when they discover that they are older than them.

So why do some men prefer older women? Here are some possible explanations:

1) In need of a mother figure:

Human beings use love to satisfy their most important unmet needs. If a man didn't get enough nurturing from his mother or if his mother was absent in a way or another then he might start getting attracted to older women. Because the subconscious mind believes that an older woman can provide that man with the love he was deprived of it will make him attracted to older women (see How the subconscious mind affects a person's behaviour)

2) Childhood & past experiences:

Spoiled children, only children and the ones who were showered with excessive care might develop the need to be taken care of and this need might remain even when they become adults. In such a case those men might get attracted to older women because they want someone to take care of them the same way they got used to

3) Raising their self esteem:

Older women usually have less choices and as a result they become more devoted to their men. This kind of devotion raises the self esteem of that man since the woman he is with idolizes him and showers him with attention.

4) To feel superior:

Some men seek older women in order to feel superior. After all managing to attract someone from a parallel world can provide a strong Ego boost to most people. I once met a guy in his late twenties and he was showing off about his ability to attract women in forties. This made him feel special or superior to his peers. This feeling becomes stronger if this woman had a high status and because many old woman have good careers their status is usually higher than the status of younger women.

5) Sexual Fantasies:

Men are turned on by sexual novelty and they usually get bored if they remained with the same partner throughout their life time. Men will always go after novel and new experiences if they had the chance. Being with an older woman is one of the sexual phases that many men will pass through and as a result they might find themselves only attracted to them.

Sexual desire and attraction to older women

There is one very important fact you should understand about sexual desire. The brain uses sexual desire to help humans satisfy their psychological needs. In other words if a man told you that he is attracted to an older woman because of sexual desire then know that there is another underlying reason apart from sexual attraction. (see also How psychological factors affect sexual desire).

The man who says so won't be lying because he simply might not be aware of the fact that sexual desire can be a tool his subconscious mind uses to help him reach a bigger goal.

People who don't understand how others perceive physical attraction usually develop the imagined ugliness disorder.

Well, now I just find out that, side chick is well-connected to the older woman who attracted to younger man, even may be that side chick you can easily find on someone in unmarried couple. But, mostly it occurs on married couple, where a woman may feel unsatisfied with her husband, simply because she can't find what she needs or wanted from her husband. Or, she find someone who is much better than what she has now in someone else.

Someone younger than her.

I know, its pathetic. But its their rights to choose what's best for them. As a human, we were never feel satisfied on every things that we had. We usually searching for some things that we never had before, someone we never had, someone better than she had.

But, sorry to say, I think only desperate woman go after someone else's man.

Just be grateful of what you have.

#relationship #thoughts #psychology